believe, Thoughts, Uncategorized

What do seventeen years of marriage look like?

First off, this is not a book review. I’ve gone all personal on you again. Today is my seventeenth wedding anniversary! YAY!! So, if you don’t want an insight into my history (which my sister calls my very own fairy tale) then I’ll see you tomorrow with another book review. The rest of you…read on!

The Meet-Cute

I met my husband when we were in seventh grade. Despite our small school (only 30 kids per class) we probably said less than a dozen words to one another between seventh and eleventh grades…because we’re both introverts and stayed within our own realm of friends.

Then, eleventh grade rolls around, which means one thing…PROM. Man, oh man. Tuxes, pretty dresses, twinkly lights – basically, it was Cinderella’s ball and I was Cinderella. Except I had the dress.prince-charming-cinderella-disney.jpg

And we had to decorate the gym ourselves in order to turn it into a magical Wonderland…Wait…that’s Alice in Wonderland. Whoops. hatter

Anyway, back to the story.

Here we are, a couple days before prom. Our entire class is in the gymnasium, building and decorating to our heart’s content, when one of the teachers suddenly decides that Jonathon needs to come over and help our group…a group that includes me and two of my best friends.

After spending the afternoon in our group, he spent more time talking to my friends than he did me. No biggie, I didn’t talk to him much either. But that night, I came home and checked my email (which was a big deal in 2001 because cell phones were not yet in everyone’s hands and email was still new). Low and behold, he’d emailed me! And asked me to prom! Don’t laugh! We’re introverts, remember. Email was a miraculous event for us.

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Approximately thirteen months later, we were getting married. Two weeks after graduation, to be exact. The first thing people say when they hear that is, “Oh, goodness! How old are your kids?” Uh, okay, THAT’s not why we got married. For the record, we’ve been married seventeen years, our kids are eleven and twelve.

Life after marriage

Has it been all sunshine and roses? Of course not. But we made two promises to each other outside our marriage vows. Number 1: Never go to bed angry with one another. Number 2: When something bothers you, say it. This second one is tough for most couples, but he and I have both seen what happens when things are miscommunicated or not communicated at all. We are both mediators, but we also both don’t like to talk about ourselves.

Another one that came in later years was: Never communicate important information via text. Even with emojis, there’s no good way for emotions to travel via text and things are often read the wrong way. I need to see his face when he has something important to say, whether it’s good or bad. He says the same thing and can read my facial expressions in a single glance.

Here’s the thing, and the reason why my sister calls us a fairy tale couple. This man has seen every facet of my personality, and I won’t claim to be 100% normal. I don’t think there’s even a pattern to discern normal, but that’s off topic. I have crazy dreams, I get angry over weird things, I don’t like people crowding me (except him), I love coffee and Sun-drop (and that’s just the stuff I’m willing to admit on the internet).

He’s never once said I was too much to handle. He walks behind me when we’re in stores so he can protect me, and because he’s 6’4″, people tend to give him a wide berth which means they don’t crowd me either.

And I know him. He abhors a liar and doesn’t remember his dreams. He refuses to talk when he’s angry because he’s afraid he’ll say something he’ll regret. He’s actually rubbed off on me with that one. When I was a teenager and even into my early twenties, if I was angry, I would say the most cutting thing I could say. I wanted to make you hurt if I was angry with you.

And now, here we are, seventeen years later. It’s been a crazy ride. I expect it will continue to be this way until our dying days, but I wouldn’t change it. We have officially been together longer than the number of years before we said I do. Happy Anniversary!

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